Me N' My Muses 4
by Orin Drake
Summary: An early birthday present to myself. You'll see why. But not if you're interested in maintaining your sanity.


Since everyone else is giving me birthday presents early this year, I thought this fic was appropriate. This is part 4 of the always "interesting" fanfic/story/insane banter, inspired by the unwitting pawn of this entire thing, Glitter Girl and her Final Fantasy 8 fanfic, _Your Muse and You_ (which can be found at http://www.shiny-objects.org/glitterati/). The characters Link and Zelda are owned by Nintendo. Squall, Seifer, Sephiroth, Cloud, Rinoa and Vincent are characters owned by Squaresoft. Shadow is my own creation ("Demon dancing 'round my brain..."), and Nightshade is my Fender Sratocaster. Worship her!!! *cough* An orgy is alluded to, as well as various activities with soap on a rope. I claim insanity, but not as a defense.   
  
  
  


Me N' My Muses 4   
by Orin Drake 

Orin: *walks into the dark room after having wandered through a portal into it from the kitchen, paying attention only to not dropping the groceries*   
Everyone: Surprise!   
Orin: *drops groceries all over the damn place* Oh. My.   
Seifer: *ignores the groceries and escorts her to a seat in the circle of muses* Happy Birthday!   
Orin: *looks around to see an arrangement similar to the last time she tried to get her muses together, everyone at least making the attempt to smile; even Squall... although it's a pretty pathetic attempt* Wow. *pauses* But my birthday isn't until December. *narrows her eyes at Seifer* Hell, my birthday's on the same day yours is.   
Seifer: *blanks for a moment* It's an early party. Take it or leave--   
Orin: I'll take it.   
Vincent: *gets up and takes her hand, leading her in her shocked state to a chair*   
Seifer: Gift giving time! *pushes out a giant blue and white cake on a wheeled cart*   
Orin: *stares at the cake, trying to suppress her excitement* So... am I supposed to blow out the candles, or what?   
Seifer: Nope. Just clap. That's the signal. *raises eyebrows accordingly*   
Orin: *grins widely* *claps twice*   
The Cake: *suddenly explodes in frosting as a figure emerges from the top*   
Sephiroth: *stands naked in the center of the cake with two large feather fans covering his naughty bits*   
Orin: *too shocked at the moment to laugh*   
Seifer: What the hell? You aren't supposed to be in there!   
Sephiroth: *grins sadistically*   
Orin: *still recovering from that shock... sort of; mostly she's just staring* Who was supposed to be in the cake?   
Seifer: Duo, from Gundam Wing! I thought it'd really funny, but... actually, this is kind of better.   
Everyone sans Sephiroth: *stares*   
Orin: *falls out of her chair, laughing... appreciatively, of course*   
Seifer: What happened to Duo, anyway?   
Sephiroth: I had to take my aggression out on _someone_.   
Unrecognizable Voice from the Other Room: *moans painfully*   
Orin: *momentarily recovers, wiping tears from her eyes* Is this your gift?   
Sephiroth: *taking a moment to re-adjust the fans* Yes, indeed it is. Or half of it, should I say.   
Orin: *excited* And what's the other half?   
Sephiroth: *lowers his voice dramatically* A peek.   
Orin: Ooooohhhh!   
Sephiroth: But not now.   
Orin: *murmurs disappointment*   
Seifer: Okay, okay, let's move it along, here...   
Orin: *starting to get into the swing of things, enjoying her position as Birthday Girl* And what's your gift, Link?   
Link: *digs in his pockets for a moment, then produces the infamous restraint order against Orin, which he tears up... with a slightly wary glance*   
Orin: Aw, that's so sweet.   
Link: *already starting to feel that may have been a mistake as he gets a bit fidgety*   
Orin: Relax. *she hisses wickedly*   
Shadow: My turn. *casually hands over a paper bag*   
Orin: *peers inside the bag, almost overcome by the smell of... whatever that really gross looking stuff is in the bottom* Um... ewe. What is this?   
Shadow: *with a smile* Dragon shit.   
Orin: *pause* Look, I'm not re-writing your damn ending.   
Shadow: Oh, I don't want you to. Hence the gift. Just payback, that's all.   
Orin: Thank... you. Hard to believe you're my main muse, dear.   
Shadow: I know. Wait until you receive Roan's gift. {{author's note: Roan is Shadow's husband... whom the author has put through some really horrible shit}}   
Orin: *swallows* Gee, I can't wait. Why isn't he here?   
Shadow: He never wants to be around you again. He just can't take it.   
Orin: Pussy.   
Seifer: Speaking of! *gets up and takes Squall, still chained to his chair, over and places him right in front of her* And Squall wanted to be handcuffed to you for the whole evening as his present.   
Squall: *casts a deathly glare in Seifer's direction*   
Seifer: *can almost feel the curse taking effect, but goes over and yanks on Squall's cuffed hands anyway* Come on, it's just for a night.   
Squall: *growls* No, it isn't.   
Orin: Oh, you can take the abuse.   
Seifer: *quickly cuffs Squall's and Orin's hands together before he can get away*   
Squall: That's the thing. I really don't think I can anymore...   
Orin: Oh, it's nothing you haven't already been through by now.   
Squall: I don't think you see my point...   
Orin: *shushes him and holds him in his lap as though he didn't probably weigh more than she did* Cloud?   
Cloud: *proud grin on his face, he presents her with an action figure of himself*   
Orin: *blinks* I'd say this was a crappy gift... except for the fact these are hard to come by.   
Cloud: *yells to Sephiroth* Ha! See?! She _did_ like it!   
Sephiroth: *sticks his tongue out and gives Cloud a rude momentary glimpse behind the feathers*   
Orin: *savors it* What about you, Seifer?   
Seifer: What, being master of ceremonies isn't enough?   
Orin: Nope. Cough up the goods, Blondie.   
Seifer: *makes a series of "magical" gestures with his hands, building the suspense for several minutes... then finally reaches into his pocket and pulls out soap on a rope*   
Orin: *stares at him*   
Squall: *goes a bit paler than he was a moment ago*   
Seifer: *raises his eyebrows suggestively, glancing at Squall*   
Orin: Oooohh. Thanks.   
Squall: *strains to get away, but is somehow held firmly by the small, girly, pale but ever so strong arms of his captor* And you, Vincent?   
Vincent: *gets up and walks behind her, prepared to follow when she leaves, and holds up his claw without a word*   
Orin: *looks puzzled*   
Vincent: Let's just say it has many functions.   
Orin: *blinks* Ooooh. *gets up* Sephy, you're coming, too.   
Cloud: What am I?! Chopped liver?!   
Orin: May as well be. Seifer, you too. And I need you to pry Squall's hands off the door frame...   
Squall: *from the door frame* Noooooo!!!   
Orin: Link... aw, hell, you can just watch.   
Link: *looks pleased... but still nervous*   
Shadow: I got the video camera!   
Everyone sans Cloud: *wanders behind Orin, carrying a kicking, screaming Squall*   
Cloud: *sits there in the dark, empty room and pouts* I am _not_ chopped liver. 


End file.
